I don’t always get in a joint mobility session each day.
- I sometimes skip my cool down releases and decompressions after a training session.
- I struggle to take in enough water each day.
- From time to time, I get “caught up in life” and will go 2-3 weeks without doing exercise.
For the last 2 years, more often than not, I have felt very discouraged.
- I have been feeling shut down, closed off, defensive.
- I have felt an immense heaviness around communicating with others.
- I feel like I continually let people down.
Despite all the rational, positive, …
- … beneficial, “all for the best” reasons behind needing to make a major change in how I moved forward with my career a couple years ago, I’ve been angry.
- At the source of this anger, is anger at myself.
- Angry that I allowed myself to be “fooled” for such a long time.
- Angry that my genuine, sincere and heartfelt efforts and contributions were being perceived and thrown back at me as selfish, self-serving, deceptive.
- Angry that I wanted those who did not value me, to value what I gave.
- Angry that I didn’t celebrate enough or give focus to those who DID get value from what I share.
Sadness that I couldn’t solve “the problem”.
- Sadness that I’d “failed”.
- I feel like I continually let people down.
- I have felt shame for allowing these feelings of discouragement, anger and sadness to effect me so deeply.
I get really agitated and upset…
- … around certain things that my eldest son does from time to time. Only it’s irrational. Despite his being such an amazing, sweet, sensitive, mature, intelligent boy, I get sucked in to these moments where I am really hard on him.
- And it hurts so much that I do this.
- And it makes me angry that I do.
- And I feel immense shame for reacting in that way.
- Because it’s not him. It’s me.
Despite speaking to the importance and value of “process”…
- … and “the journey”, I realized, in my professional life, I had lost sight of that in some ways and became attached to an expected outcome.
- It was limiting my ability to be free, creative and daring.
- I have discovered just how incredibly stressed around time/deadlines I am.
- I feel like there’s never enough time.
- I struggle with feeling like I’ve done enough.
- I feel like I continually let people down.
…
My office is a total mess, which I have been unable to keep clean and organized for the last 20 years.
…
I’ve recently been doing bicep preacher curls with my Kettlebells.
…
As I have this confession to make, I share it for a few reasons:
- It’s actually quite cathartic owning up to our “weakness”, our “imperfection”.
- I wanted to share it so it might serve as an important reminder, that no matter how “good” things may get or seem on the outside, we will always face tests and challenges that we will struggle with. None of us is alone in this.
- And that just because we struggle or “fail” at them, does not mean we stop. It does not mean it’s hopeless or over or that we are not good enough. We’re just being told, that in actuality, we now have the capacity to face them.
Embrace the vulnerability… for in it lies true Courage.
Acknowledge the imperfection… for Compassion gives way to immense Strength.
Dare to see the immensity of your depth…
Dare To Evolve!
Shane.
It’s funny isn’t it? I always find a reason to brag extensively about my amazing siblings. I go through each of you and what you’re doing in this world and the impacts that you are having and the positive flow you are spreading and then I go to my nieces and nephews and my words get all mushified and full up with descriptives and attributes and on my last contract I was telling this woman all about you guys and on the second day of our time together she said “but you are also contributing to this world and doing really neat things. Don’t forget that you are amazing to them too.”
*big breaths* mum. and there’s that. 😉
I love you.
I am grateful for you and to you.
I am proud of/for you and the quality of your contributions.
I appreciate your profound cognitive awareness.
Own it, Own up. Grow it, Grow up. always and forever and ever.
All is well in the land of lollipops and pixie dust 😉
Thanks Meg. 🙂 You are most definitely contributing to this world, doing amazing things and are without a shadow of a doubt, for ever and for always, stupendously incredbawesearfrajalistastic to us too!
#1 – you are an inspiration to me – always have been
#2 – you are an unparalleled earth mover/spirit lifter/ love giver/energy maker/entertainer
#3 – you have struggles like the rest of us – but it just makes you cooler – and incredibly strong considering you don’t drink – unless you do now but haven’t confessed it yet 🙂
#4 – don’t underestimate how much RESONANCE the work you do and the man you are has. I would never have known you were going through any struggle because you are always so PRESENT and CREATIVE.
#5 – way to put your money where your mouth is and walk the talk – DARE TO EVOLVE!
“#3 – … and incredibly strong considering you don’t drink – unless you do now but haven’t confessed it yet”
HAHA!! You’re awesome.
Jolie. Thank you very much for your beautiful words. They strike deep.
Every one of us does indeed struggle. And one of the brightest lights in my life during the ‘darker’ times, during the heavier dips, is the immense blessing I feel for the incredible people I have met and connected with along the way. That in and of itself makes the struggle worth it. Thank you for being one of those bright lights. 🙂
I agree with Jolie.
Being Shane can be a burden but this is only the burden you put on yourself. You are “high up there,” have done much, influenced and helped more then you realize. You demand a tremendous amount of yourself. . . which is why this web site is so good.
Shane, I taught a very little, adults weaving when I was young and oh so very excited and driven. I drove myself, was totally focused, obsessed. I quit the teaching because it stressed me so much. Looking back from age 65, retired, I realize I helped more then I realized and was better then I realized. I should have relaxed more and enjoyed more. As I was told, I took life way to serious. Very true. But I did what I had to do. I had to work things out and I did (wish it happened quicker!) I am calmer now. I still get depressed and feel bad sometimes. I have learned nothing lasts forever. You are a tremendous inspiration, wealth of knowledge, and human. Maybe you can take “time out” for awhile, however long you need, and do something totally different. Return when/if you are ready and refreshed. We only have one life and this is yours. Do what you want, not what is expected of you or what others tell you you should do or even what you think you should do. In the end everything works out. Or as one old man in his 80s has posted as his tag line, “It don’t matter.” I wish you health and joy.
Vicki, those are wonderful reflections and very poignant. Thank you for sharing them and being a bouncing board.
And THANK YOU… for giving me permission to take a break. To take it easy. To not be so hard on myself. For the reminder of staying connected to the joy in what we are doing. It is one of the hardest things for any of us to do.
Thank you for your courage and zeal. It really is infectious. 🙂
I have a confession too!
I was a personal trainer with … an eating disorder!!!!!!!!!!!
Was striving for perfection over excellence.
Was injuring myself emotionally, mentally and physically.
Was trying to do too much too soon physically, and injuring my back, neck, shoulders, and wrist through ego.
Moved out of personal training to heal myself three years ago.
Am totally free from disordered eating.
Have remained injury free for the past three years.
I practice intu-flow most days of the year, and enjoy scenic walks alone, with my dog, family,and other cheerful people 🙂
I am work in progress and reserve the right to learn,change,grow,and evolve.
I will return to coaching others in some way,when it is right for me to do so, because I love people.
My purpose is to spread light – to use my enthusiasm and creativity to inspire and motivate others, to experience more fun,love and joy in their lives, and to create friendly supportive environments.
Thanks for sharing and helping others feel and be more courageous Shane. Much love to you and your family.
Wow Jess! While it depends where we are at, I still have observed that the whole process of being compassionate with oneself, stepping back, connecting with that deep honesty and attending to what is needed to regain that balance (which often flies in the face of what society deems best) is WAY harder than just pushing through and driving hard. Because it is so vulnerable. Yet that is why to do so is an expression of such immense Courage. I honour you for taking hold of that courage and going through the evolution that will only enhance all the work you do with others.
And what’s so beautiful is you have this strong, clear vision of what this is all serving and what you continue to move towards. What you are in fact living, right now.
Thank you for sharing, for your kind words and Keep on Rock’in!
Always enjoy your musings, but, you caught me off balance this time. Funny how we perceive ourselves, and how others perceive us. You seem so confident, cheerful, with a great sense of humor. I’ve seen he seriousness in your coaching and leading, and your devotion to your family is evident. very happy to finally meet you last year, after training with you via your programs for the last several years. I felt like we were already close when we met! You don’t disappoint me! One of my friends used to say, ”no one ever said Earth school was going to be easy!” Yep, it’s a struggle a lot of times, trying to avoid the extremes, we lose stability and quietness. Just keep peeling away the layers til all that’s left is the best of you!” Dare to Evolve” someone said! Thanks Shane for your help the last few years, you are inspirational to me, and I’m sure, to many others! Look forward to training with you again, and SOON!
Peter. Thank you for your incredible enthusiasm. Seriously, you are always emitting this glow of joy. It was so great to finally meet after all these years and can say the feelings were mutual.
Anything I have shared or said and the states I have been in when doing so, have all certainly been genuine. There is much to be thankful for and I generally do feel good about all of “this”. But felt the nudge to share a look at the other side as well. As it keeps me honest. Brings a fuller perspective to the reality of this journey we go through. As you pointed out, it’s funny how perspective influences our view of the world around us. Doing my best to live “Dare to Evolve” along with all the rest of you, of whom I have been blessed to have connected with. We will definitely do training together again, sooner than later my man!
”no one ever said Earth school was going to be easy!”
Love this!!
That was very powerfully written, Shane. It takes a lot to face up to deep stuff within yourself, and it takes even more to put it out there and publish it. Well fucking done. Respect.
I had a lot of bottled up anger from my own experiences too. Going into that was hard, because it also means taking responsibility, and owning those feelings of having been duped, or used, or manipulated. Not feeling stupid and shaming yourself, but forgiving yourself for having misjudged or made mistakes. But the cool thing is, once you’ve gone through that it feels so much lighter. For me, I was able to finally let it go, to no longer be triggered by it all, and to learn the lessons and change myself so I never get into a similar situation again.
A tough lesson, but a valuable one.
You’ve been a leader all along. An inspiration for your integrity and your creativity and your passion. It was a pleasure to cross paths with you, and I look forward to seeing where you go next. It’s going to be someplace original, that’s for sure!