With “Serenity in the Hurricane”, while incredible to work through, came what felt like a certain amount of… dampening. A bit of closing in on myself. Feeling like the fire wasn’t burning as bright. I recognized as I was going through it, that this period and process was not one of those where I was necessarily meant to feel like it should be blazing on all cylinders.
See, I love storms. As a kid I was always running out into them. Minus 50 deg Celsius and gusting? I’m there. Total whiteout in a town where if you miss making it to the next house over, you are walking out into the Arctic wilderness? Right on. Love the Storm. Not because I like to be in a state of crisis. Not because of the adrenaline rush. Not because I like the “fight” or conquest. To me a storm is one of natures greatest examples of what life is like. Forces bearing down on us from all sides. In our face, always. A bit of insanity, alot of uncertainty. If we choose to face it, we have to have our “feelers” out constantly searching and aware, we have to be constantly adapting as we move forward into the unknown. All the while it is a massive infusion of energy. There is movement. Everything is alive. We gain power and strength from it, with (from) a very healthy dose of humility.
It gives us the opportunity to rise to a much greater version of ourselves.
I’m not interested in trying to make my environment around me calmed, orderly and serene in an effort to CONTROL the Storm and how it effects me. I’m looking to find true serenity, that I may be serene and at peace no matter what the Storm brings. I don’t want to hide from the Storm just as I don’t want to hide from life.
So why did I find myself in a seemingly more subdued, protective mode this last round?
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, as I thought the entire shift that had been occurring was a very positive one. It was my wife who hit the nail on the head. “Well Shane, you’ve been ripping down some major walls and unearthing really vulnerable aspects of yourself.” That was it. When it all started, I remember feeling like I needed to step out of the storm to re-align myself and my bearings, so I could go back in to realize the serenity while in it. Only before I went back in I had felt like there was one more “stepping out” that needed to occur. And that was out of myself. Stepping out of a now crusty snake skin. Only then was I able to honestly say “Okay, time to head back in.”
Sounds almost refreshing doesn’t it? Coming out from under the grime and callous to feel new, clean and fresh. Yeah. It does. Until youwalk into a FREAK’IN HURRICANE!! Then it just feels RAW! And vulnerable. And painful. Would be automatic to start huddling in on yourself wouldn’t it? Well that I felt happening. Good thing too. It was the final step.
I stepped back a moment to get my bearings. Then I had to remove the outer layer of the old me of yesterday, to reveal the new me of tomorrow. A truer version of me. Right, now back into the Storm. Which caused me to start turning in on myself. As I needed to. So I would come to understand I needed to finish pulling back the crusty, protective inner layer. The one around my heart, the very soul of my being. For within lay the keys to that Serenity. The source wherein lie the gifts I am to bring to the world, as only I can, just as each of us are meant to.
If we access those gifts, along with the acceptance and trust that we are the only one in all of creation that can express and SHARE them in the manner that is unique to us, then the onslaught of questioning:
-Am I good enough?
-Do I have value?
-Is what I have to share mean anything to anyone else?
-Is it actually any different from what Jerry is saying or Frieda is doing?
-Am I even adding anything to the bigger picture?
…starts to melt away. And a sense of Serenity starts to take its place. True Serenity. One that does not have us ducking and dodging the Storm from uncertainty of whether we can survive it or even belong in it, protecting ourselves from the unknown. Rather one that has us embracing, moving, flowing… dancing with it.
Remove the layer from without so that once you remove the layer from within, the Gifts you release as you dance with the hurricane may be unleashed, unrelenting in all their magnanimity, as they were meant to.
The Theme this round: Unleash the Gifts.
The fuelling Quality: Acceptance.
Shane.
Accepting and appreciating the opportunity to work with you on developing and delivering the value that we provide to the greater good. Greater in this coming year and many more afterward!
Ditto Brother. Big Double Ditto…
Wow…that is awesome and really hit home for me today. I find myself trying to dodge the storms when in reality, I want to dive right in, and like you said, find calm within the storm. I am going to print this off and re-read it whenever I find myself trying to fight the storm instead of embrace it!